this year is for me and you

Alex: How many men's right activists does it take to change a light bulb?
Morgan: Two: one to compliment it, another to call it a bitch when it refuses to screw.
Alex: ... Well, I was going to go with "not all of them," but yours wins.
posted 1 month ago with 1 notes
#chats   #cackling  
Age 5: i wanna be part of the xmen
Age 18: i wanna be part of the xmen
<b> Connor:</b> It's confusing and magical<p><b>Morgan:</b> Did you just say David Bowie's bulge is confusing and magical?<p><b>Connor:</b> ...<p>
posted 2 months ago with 1 notes
#chats   #omg  
Alex: Can you think of anything less dignified to be beaten with than a novelty phallus?
posted 5 months ago
Morgan: You really should learn how to knit and make me a Weasley sweater.
Emma: I really should. My new goals are to learn how to knit and go to the national Heelys comp' this year. And then I will knit team sweaters for my team, and it will be awesome. I think I need to drop out of school to pursue these new dreams of mine.
posted 5 months ago
#chats  
boy: shit baby you're so wet already
girl: that's actually just vaginal discharge and my body is cleansing itself from bacteria and dead cells to prevent infection and to maintain optimal reproductive health i'm not even all that turned on right now and i would prefer to go get some food or something

These are the types of texts I send, this is the life I lead.

posted 5 months ago
Emma: I just have no respect for someone who passes me up, then realizes "oh shit, she was great, I fucked up."
Morgan: In the words of Fleetwood Mac, if you don't love me now, you ain't never gonna love me again.
Emma: You only got one shot, don't lose your chance to blow, this opportunity comes once in a life time.
posted 6 months ago
Morgan: Do they ever hook up? Emma and I couldn't figure out if we ship it or not.
Alex: OF COURSE YOU SHIP IT, YOU'RE A HUMAN BEING AREN'T YOU?! Mulder and Scully practically invented the modern age of shipping!
posted 6 months ago
Dad: I guess we're watching Doctor Who today, eh?
Morgan: Yes.
Dad: What if we say no?
Morgan: I will bludgeon you to death, obviously.
Dad: ...merry Christmas to you too.
posted 7 months ago
#chats